


Quality Control

by laliquey



Category: The Social Network (2010)
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-27
Updated: 2014-04-27
Packaged: 2018-01-19 20:05:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1482235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laliquey/pseuds/laliquey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mark gets a mutant Red Vine & Eduardo calls customer service.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Quality Control

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: _super ridiculous!_

"Aw, ripoff," Mark whines, and holds up a stunted, misshapen rope of licorice.

Eduardo pretends this is something worth whining about. "You should complain to the company."

"Nah." Mark folds it and stuffs it in his mouth. The familiar waxy red taste is correct, which is all he cares about.

"I'll do it. What's their number?"

Mark shakes his head and reads the toll free number off the back of the cellophane bag. Eduardo dials.

"ALC customer service, how may I help you?"

"Hello, ma'am. My employer is a huge fan of your Red Vines product."

"Thank you! We always like to hear that."

"Yes. And I should preface this by saying I'd like to protect his anonymity. He's a high-powered CEO and is...how should I say this. Eccentric." He pauses to wink at Mark. "I'm calling with a special request."

"Oh. Well, we're happy to accommodate whenever we can."

"Great. What he's interested in is un-cut licorice. Like enough length to tie somebody up."

"Uh..."

"We've talked it to death on our end, and we realize that the tensile strength of a strand or two wouldn't be nearly enough." He looks over at Mark, whose crimson lips form a perfect letter O. "Multiplied by ten or so, we think it could be pretty strong stuff."

"Uh..."

"We are aware this is an odd request. Please understand that money is no object."

Silence.

"Can it be done?" Eduardo asks.

"Well, we'd have to re-set the machines, and...um...can I put you on hold?"

"Sure. Excuse me, ma'am?"

"Yes?"

"One last thing. Someone's happy birthday is riding on this, so...we'd appreciate anything you can do." 

"Yes, sir. One moment." 

The hold music is Girl from Ipanema.

"I'm on hold," Eduardo says.

Mark asks, "Were you thinking railroad tracks, or a..."

"...bed? So coy, Mark."

"My birthday's months away."

"Who said anything about your birthday?" 

"Oh." Mark's confused. But then his eyes widen.

"Yeah, dumbass," Eduardo says with a slow smile. "Mine."


End file.
